Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
