Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize