he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
