Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Found the puke drawer
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
