Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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