You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
