I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
