and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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