So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
