we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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