i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
