you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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