Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
