It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
