I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize