There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
