the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
