Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
