I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
