he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
