eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
