Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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