even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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