i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
