You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
