This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize