Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
3 2 1 whiskey
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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