she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
