he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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