It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
