you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
