Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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