so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
