dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
