How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
