Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
