I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
