I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize