He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
