i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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