I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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