Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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