did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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