Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
