I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
