Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
