Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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