oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We had to coat check the pizza.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
