I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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