no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
