and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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