After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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