Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
