If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
