Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
