I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
