It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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