Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
All I want is dick and wine.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
