Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
