I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
