I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
