i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
