pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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