Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
