where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
