Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
