I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
