I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
