so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
