the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
