Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
