but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
