I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
