it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
