Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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